You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing
an imperfect person perfectly.

Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we
keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away.

Love is always bestowed as a gift -- freely, willingly, and
without expectation. .. We don't love to be loved, we love to love.


Love is a thing, well, its kind of link quicksand: The more you
are in it, the deeper you sink. And when it hits you, you've just
got to fall.


DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON? (from my email)

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She
said,"How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that
there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that
your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this
question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your
mind.

Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think
about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just
standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened
TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But
after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome
(when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being
cute,drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference
between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even
angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might
start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse
reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to
desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages
breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look
outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity
is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a
hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same
situation a few years later.Because (listen carefully to this):

The Key To Succeeding In Marriage Is Not Finding The Right Person;
It's Learning To Love The Person You Found!

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll
NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have
to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor
of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most
importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage
work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with
your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),
there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and
exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause
and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are
predictable. .. you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. . not just a feeling.