Haay... nakakalungkot... para akong nag-iisa... walang katuwang... walang nakaka-alala... walang kinukulit... walang nangungulit... walang malambing... walang nanlalambing... walang nagmamahal...

May isang tao, sinama ako sa isang mahabang paglalakad kung saan ako makakahanap ng saya na kapiling ko siya. Magkasama kaming tatahak sa isang daan na hindi ko pa napupuntahan. Natatakot ako pero nangako siya na hindi niya ako iiwan at panghabang buhay kaming magsasama.

Pero parang ako yung nawalan; biglaan siyang nawala. Naglalakad ako sa landas na nag-iisa. Inaasam yung mga panahon na sana kasama ko siya, pero kahit saan ako lumingon, walang sign na naanjan lang siya. Pakiramdam ko ang lungkot lungkot, akala ko kasi hindi ako iiwan sa ere. Pero ayokong ipaalam sa kanya, ang layo na ng nalakad ko eh.

Ngayon, naglalakad pa rin ako. Gusto ko mang lumingon, ayoko. Natatakot ako na baka walang sumalo sa likuran ko. Determinado akong marating ang dulo ng landas ko ng nag-iisa.

Ngunit sadyang mapagbiro ang tadhana... andami kong nakakasalubong na mga taong kasabay ko sa aking paglalakad na magkasamang naglalakad. May kakwentuhan, may kaakbay, masaya sila, tumatawa, nagkukulitan, naghaharutan, may nagtatampuhan pero atleast magkasama. Napatingin ako sa gilid ko, wala akong kasabay. Tumingin ako sa mga kamay at balikat ko; walang nakahawak, wala ring naka-akbay. Lumingon ako sa likod; walang humahabol sa akin, walang tumatawag sa pangalan ko.

Gusto ko sanang makisama sa mga taong nakakasabay ko pero, wala akong puwang. Pang-dalawahan lang kasi ang lakad na ito. Inisip ko, naku sana kung alam ko lang, nagsama din ako ng kasama ano? Natahimik ako... meron sana akong gustong isama sa hirap at saya man ng paglalakad ko pero nawala siya. Iniwan na niya ako, hindi na ako importante sa buhay niya. May mga bagay na naging masimportante, nawala na ako sa isip niya... parang nawalan na ako ng halaga sa kanya. Kung meron, sana naglalakad ako ngayon kasama siya.

Naglalakad pa rin ako. Minsan napapatingin na lang sa mga kasabay ko. Kung minsan binabagalan kong maglakad baka sakaling may gustong sumabay sa akin. Kung wala man, tinitignan ko na lang at pinagmamasdan ang mga taong nasa harapan kong naglalakad din. Nakakatuwa nga silang pagmasdan, parang palabas sa tv. Nakikinig ka sa mga usapan nila, sa mga tampuhan, sa drama, comedy o minsan kahit action.

Hindi ko napansin, ang bilis pala ng panahon. Mag-iisang buwan na rin akong naglalakad mag-isa. Ang layo na rin ng narating ko pero malayo pa ang lalakbayin ko. Sana habulin niya ako, may iniwan akong mga bakas... mga bakas ng luha ko habang naglalakad mag-isa; simula ng bigla niya akong iniwan. Sana hindi siya matuyo ng hangin at sana hindi siya mabuhusan ng ulan.

Naisip kong huminto muna sa paglalakad at hintayin ko siya. Pero walang kasiguraduhan na may hinihintay pa ako. Mukha namang okay siya kahit wala ako. Mukha naman siyang masaya at kuntento. Ayokong mamilit ng tao na samahan ako sa paglalakad. Kung gusto niya, may paraan. Kung ayaw niya, walang namimilit...

Eto... naglalakad pa rin ako mag-isa... hanggang kailan kaya ako maglalakad mag-isa? Wala namang short-cut sa daan na ito. Kung meron man, mawawalan siya ng kahulugan sa buhay ko. Dadating pa kaya siya?

Ayokong umasa. Napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na nakayanan ko ng maglakad mag-isa. Kahit wala siya - kahit dumating sa desperate times na kinailangan ko man ng presence niya at tulong niya; pero hindi siya dumadating - nakaya kong mag-isa. Pero malungkot maglakad mag-isa. Kung alam ko lang magiging ganito kahirap ang lakbay na ito... sana hindi ko sinimulan ng masmaaga. Sana naghintay nalang ako hanggang sa may dumating na handa akong samahan hanggang sa dulo at hindi niya ako iiwan. O kaya, sana hindi na ako pumayag na sumama sa kanya kung alam kong mawawala at mawawala rin siya.

Hindi ko na ngayon matandaan ang purpose ng paglalakad kong ito. Nalalabuan ako. Kayanin ko man mag-isa, ang lungkot naman. Buti pa ang iba, mga naglalakad na nadaanan ko... naglalakad na sila pauwi. Nadaanan na nila ang rurok ng landas na ito. Buti pa sila may katuwang sa saya na nadama nila sa pagdating doon. Buti pa sila...

Puro mga pangakong nabitiwan, mga pangako na pagkatapos ng ilang linggo o buwan ay nakalimutan, mga pangakong sinabi ng salita, mga pangakong pampalubang loob... Pangako sana na magbibigay ng panghabangbuhay na saya at puro pagmamahal kapiling niya.

Asan siya? Eh ayun... -back to reality- sa palagay ko nasa bahay, naglalaro ng playstation 2/xbox/computer o kaya eh nasa labas nanonood ng sine. Baka naman gumigimik with friends or nasa outing kaya with friends. Ewan ko, wala na akong balita. Hindi ko na siya kinakamusta. Napapagod lang ako, para akong tanga na nagpapapansin. Para akong bata na nakikipag-agawan ng attention sa isang taong nakatunganga sa harapan ng tv. Pero, tulad ng isang bata, napapagod din ako, umiiyak, nagtatampo, hindi umiimik, nagdadabog, naka-upo sa isang sulok.

Haay... ang sakit pala ng alam mong alam niya na naanjan ka pero ini-ignore ka lang. Nakipagmatigasan ako pero hindi ko kayang tapatan yung tigas at tagal ng pagtitiis niya. Hindi ko siya pipilitin, hindi na ako iimik, hindi ko na siya lalapitan, wala na siyang maririnig galing sa akin.

Sino ba naman ako sa kanya? Sino ba ako sa iyo? Wala... parang ano... siguro.. pangalan lang ako. Taong hindi nag-eexist sa mundo na kinagagalawan niya. Hindi kaya naligaw ako ng landas na dapat kong lakarin?

I thought this time around, this relationship will be much better than before. I was fooled by that thought. - balik sa pagtatagalog - Ngayon ko napagtanto yung sakit ng linya sa kanta ---> "Now I sit all alone, wishing all my feelings was gone... I gave my best to you."


"Ang apoy para tumagal, kailangan palaging nilalagyan ng kahoy."


nope... i don't want to think about him. na-delete ko na siya sa iba kong contact list at sana... i won't be thinking of him anymore... ANG STUPID KO TALAGA!!! BAKIT KO SIYA KINAUSAP NUNG SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GRRRRRR....... AYOKO NA... STUPID STUPID STUPID





What can i say about my day today? Well... I still don't feel the 'aura' of exams but the school was really quiet today - no bands playing, no gigs, little people in every corner of the school, no announcements, no promotions, and MORE MORE MORE BOOKS EVERYWHERE!

I went to school at 11 am today and met my friends, Romanh & Amy to their common room at Land & Food Resource building (at the other side of this big university). I thought I was the only one late but Romanh was late too.. ^_^ We were there to discuss our chemistry feedback test. Most of my answers are correct except for Q2.. and then Q1, i'm still not sure because in my opinion, C5H10 has 7 different structural & geometrical isomers for it. There can be more than 5 isomers.

After that, we stopped by the pizza shop to eat pizza at drink hot chocolate inside Union House because it was soo freakin' cold outside. Then we went to Redmond Barry building at Lowe Lecture Theatre for the Photosynthesis Biology tute, it was full already so we left and decided to go to the next lecture instead. While waiting, we went back to Union House to eat noodles, good thing Amy was there to treat me ^_^

After about minutes of discussion, we went back to Lowe Theatre to attend the Photosynthesis Biology tute. We were able to make it after a lot of pushing from people! -_- I thought it would be helpful but most of the information given was already discussed in my previous tute, so i didn't find it helpful.

When bio finished, we were rushing towards the other building (i know, life in melbourne uni is always running from one building to another!)to make it to Chemistry tute at Richard Berry Building at Taijowsky Theatre. We went there and they were already in Q4 of the exam paper -_- wuuhhh.... but that's fine.

I saw Shirley again after uhmmm... a month?!? but we were not seated next to each other because I was with my other friends -Amy, Romanh & Selina. Among my friends, i can probably say that i'm the one who has the least common. I'm not chinese AND I'm not doing Food Science as my course. But oh well, I'm still happy to be friends with them.

Oh well, until next time... I'll keep on updating my blog but for now, i'll have to log off and start opening my notes especially for chemistry and biology. Babay!

p.s. Miss norminda asked me if i could go to the Year 12 filipino class and have a speech for them... nyeks! hehehe.. but i'll stop by and see what i can do. >_<





today, i was able to finish my chemistry homework and now i'm about to re-edit (again) my anthropology essay... i'm desperate for a 90+ mark for it.. -_- i know i know.. masyado ako... ganun ako eh, hindi na ako mababago

anyway, a while ago i went to the movies with someone and we watched x-men III... nice effects as usual, bilib ako kay Jackman... i like his character a lot... i can't believe na si Jean Grey pala yung pinaka-malakas (and i thought the last battle will be prof. x and magneto) ala lang hehe... not much love scene.. para ngang ang bilis ng movie eh...

i wanted to write some more but i'm currently busy.. see yah next time my blog!





okay okay.. a little update on what happened to me today...

This morning, I called up VicRoads to have my appointment para sa P Plate ko.. i do hope to pass para I can officially drive! I actually do, pero I have a student licence pa lang, if I pass this I'll get my p plate (in phils it is non-prof) and drive to the train station.. i can't be bothered walking anymore especially if i'm in a hurry in the morning.

all i can say today is that --> today is the first of lasts!
>Last Bio Tute of the 1st sem
>Last Chem Tute of the 1st sem
>Last Psychology Lecture of the 1st sem
>Last Bio lab of the 1st sem
>First day without Anthropology tute!

~wee.. i don't know if i'm happy about it or what.. cause.. it would only mean that i will have to focus on the exams!!! grrr... i can't start doing my revision yet, i have a full day tom (considering that i actually finish at 12)
10-11 Last Chem lecture
11-12 Last Bio lecture
12-1 Meet Jan Rainier at Copland Theater and Christine at Union House
1-2 Psychology Experiment
2-3 LSU Appojntment
3-4 Psychology Experiment

i hope that by tom, I can catch the same train with my mom again so that I won't have to walk home..

kanina was my bonding time with Shirley & Christine.. it was fun grabe.. =) hope to see Shirley again in school.. kahit na there's a possibility na we're gonna have different bio tutes & bio lab. One thing is certain, we're both doing BIO! hehe..

I promise myself that I'm going to start revising on Saturday! Except on 3:10 cause I'm going out with someone and we'll watch Xmen 3... yeah.. it's been a while since i went out to watch a movie. The very last time was when I was still in the Philippines, tagal na no? Ganun ako ka-kuripot at ka-KJ sa mga kaibigan ko hehehe..

Oh well, have to sleep now... there's a long day ahead of me.. Zzzzz..





I Wish You Were Here (so I could tell you to leave)

Is there something you need to tell me?
Otherwise stay silent,
like you have for all these years,
because I don't need you or your smiles.

I've done just fine without the thoughts
Is there something you need to explain to me?
It all doesn't fit, you see?
I don't need you, just your answers.

You're not dragging me in while you rot, w
asted, just like my memories.
Lost, you pushed away all you had.
Gone, my thoughts of better times..

the truth? You never belonged.
Scared, you could not stand the thought...
and the rage? The blood was on your hands.

Forget the years that pass you by,
and numb to that which you held closest.
Dead are the feelings felt for you,
and your blood will never flow through my veins.

Your action will never be repeated. O
ne day you'll be walking by and
I won't give you a second glance,
you'll try and stop and talk to me,
but I won't give you the chance.

You question what it is you've done
to make me feel this way?
It's funny I ask myself the same thing,
I just can't quite remember anymore.





I'm motivated to post today so here goes nothing. But first of all, let me divide my post into two major headings: LOVELIFE and SCHOOL
=====================================================================================

LOVELIFE

I want to start off with this one cause this is the bad part. I don't want to end my post with this cause it will (not MIGHT but WILL) only ruin my day.

First up, I want to post this email that I got on the 2nd of February:
Hello Love,



As much as I don’t want to start with a sorry, as I usually do, I feel that I have to because I owe you a lot. I’m sorry… I’m aware that in the past few days I haven’t been fair to you, nor have I acted like a loving boyfriend. I wasn’t able to chat for a series of days; I haven’t been able to save much money yet for a webcam, and even less for a call card (or load). And even on the few occasions that we chat I feel that I haven’t been good company to you. Because of all this I know that I’ve been really unfair to you. I know you deserve better than what I am giving you now.

Although it is a given that I haven’t had enough time for you because of my irresponsibility, there were also other things that had me tied down these past few days. There were times when my brother was using the internet most of the time, and these past few days I was always going home late because I went home with my dad and if he decides to come home late, then that’s that. Yesterday, we got home at around 11 and I didn’t have the chance to use the pc anymore.

I expect that you’d think these are all just excuses… And you’re right. I know I could have gotten past these things if I had been more responsible and persistent. I could have made the time needed so you wouldn’t be so disappointed of me all the time. Instead I let the opportunity pass and kept postponing what should be done.

I’m not making this to ask for your forgiveness again and let this all silently pass by our relationship. It’s just been a few days since you left, and we still have a long way to go. In the past year you were the one who mostly took care of our relationship; you nurtured it, protected it, and made it grow. I was the one who neglected it and even tried to destroy it. And now that I think about how bad I feel for missing the chance to greet you on our monthsary, it made me realize how much I’ve forgotten a lot of things: like how much effort we had put in making it this long, how much you really miss me and feel bad because you’re far away, and how much I’m blessed because God gave me to you to care and love. I’m making you this because it is the only present I have for you on our monthsary.

Lately, I’ve been avoiding making promises to you because I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep them. Before I kept promising a lot of things to you which I weren’t able to keep, and I just end up hurting you more and more. Now I’m going to promise you three things. I will do all that I can to keep this promise, so that you’d know that I love you, that I miss you, and that I wish more than ever that you were with me. In the following days of our relationship, please always keep this in mind because these three will be my goal in fulfilling my part in our relationship and in making you happy.

1. I will have more time for you.
2. I will save for you.
3. I will keep my promises.

I promise you these three things. It will be my personal goal and I will put much effort in fulfilling them. You may think that I’m taking this too seriously, but to tell you the truth I should have taken my irresponsibility this seriously years ago. I should have made this gift to you on our very first anniversary, instead on our 49th monthsary.

I won’t be chatting with you later because I’m still too ashamed to do so. I really wouldn’t know what to say, and I don’t want to give you the same “I’m sorry” lines again. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have the courage to talk with you.

Pasensya na kung korny itong naisip ko, pero ayoko nang mangyari ulit ito kaya ko nagawang i-type to. Sa ngayong monthsary pa lang ito, pero paano pa kaya kung mas malaki pang bagay ang malampasan ko?

That’s why I’m taking this opportunity to start changing myself. Again, I’m sorry for the past few days, especially yesterday. Hindi na siya mauulit.




I love you


P.S.

I won’t be mentioning anything about this again, especially my three promises. But rest assured I’ll be doing my best to accomplish them. You don’t have to believe what I’ve put here; you can even forget what I’ve promised here afterwards if you really don’t believe anything I’ve typed here.


P.P.S.

Ako na magsusuot ng pantalon. Mag-skirt ka na lang.


I have been reminding myself to be independent and live as a single woman (single but not available). That is just my way of not thinking about him and actually setting aside my relationship with someone. What have I been doing? Well, I have been avoiding keeping in contact with him at the same time keeping myself busy. It was doing fine actually and I plan to maintain this new lifestyle. I don't want to be too attached/dependent to him because he will never be there all the time.

Speaking of that, well see... he's not always there and I know that when I need him, he won't be the first one to be there and he won't be the one to help me. Disappointing right? I can't blame anyone, I can't blame him. I know what he'll tell me; 'Ganito ako eh. Sana ma-accept mo, antagal na natin.' So, it is not that I'm forced to think that way but I have no other way but to submit to that fact. And that, whenever I need help or just need someone, I will never take the initiative to approach him or even let him know that I need/want his help.

Adding to that, I know that he is not dependable. But other people, especially the people who know him around his campus, will think otherwise. Why? Not because I'm his girlfriend but because he's always in school, he's always there, he's always present. With them, he's dependable, reliable and a responsible person. Not that I'm comparing but I would like to type my insights, because of the fact that I'm away and we can't do anything about it, he can't do much. If he can... that's a probability of 1/5.

I'm just so sad about it because of the fact that he gives me false hopes. He is not aware of it because he doesn't even consider the situation. He's always busy and my vocabulary of busy (in his situation) is, I don't have time for you. Not that I'm demanding time cause even I am busy as well. Busy, but he had time to go to the movies. He had money to watch a movie but he doesn't have the money to buy a prepaid. However, that bit is a shallow thing; I know that he has no initiative. But I don't know... I don't know if he still cares. Do I always have to assume that 'he cares' without the feeling of being cared by him? I want someone to show/tell me he loves me, not always 'assuming that he loves me', and not someone who ignores/takes advantage of me. Isn't pathetic that he consciously didn't made any paramdam to me for a week and then he'll just spring out of nowhere and ask you, how have you been? Is that evident enough to say that he asks you your condition for the past week that he cares for you or the worst part, that he is concerned? And the weird thing was, after a week of not talking to him, the other week, he actually had the time/money to call me for two consecutive days and was able to sent me an email. Wow, kung gusto mo talaga, may paraan.

I have noticed the 'pattern'. Ever since I came back here, he's always there almost everyday until it decreased to every after 2 days, once every week until there's none. I try to ignore that, but even before, I have expected that THAT will happen. Because of another fact that he is inconsistent. I don't know and I can't tell how sincere he is, he very well knows that I can't give him the trust that he expects me to give to him. I can't because I already did and he broke it, it shattered into pieces and no matter how long you glue the pieces back, cracks are evident everywhere.

Now, I don't care. Whatever happens, happens. I will not blame anyone if my decision of setting him/us aside will become the cause of our break up. I have always been looking at two sides, that we will end up together or end up separately. Apart from that, I don't want to handle/take care of this relationship anymore. I'm tired, I can't do it alone and I surrender. I don't see any reason why I have to continue handling this while he shows little concern. I heard this statement from Kris and she said, 'Well, if you can't make her happy, why won't you set her free and let her find someone who can make her happy?' But as always, break up is the last thing on my mind.

Another thing, to end this first part, I have no plans on the first of June. Yes, I will go online but only for a short period of time. Nope, I won't greet him. No text, no e-mail, no offline message and no call. As for now, I want some time for myself, I was too busy before taking care of a relationship that is one-way. Aside from that, I miss myself, I don't want to have any problems with regards to love life. I already have too many problem at balancing my studies. In addition to the monthsary, I don't think it is worth it if we greet each other and celebrate it. It's very shallow to think that we've added one more month in our relationship. I don't want to celebrate that day and make it a special event simply because there's no reason to celebrate. The quality of our relationship this month is worthless. The most days of this month have been spent with other things and not with us. So it is not rational/worth it/good to celebrate. And yes, as what I have stated earlier, I have no plans of approaching him. Let the silence that I'm giving to him speak for itself.

I want to make my life happy and spend every moment of my life with the people who is there. I don't want to waste my time in 'assuming' things and to waste my time for someone who is not there.

=====================================================================================
SCHOOL

Enough about that sad emotional side. I want to end my post with this comment that 'I feel so blessed today.' Why? Why?

This morning, I had a Psychology tute. The very last one. We were given feedbacks on how they will structure Psychology for next year. They will not provide any exam on Psychology but will give a weekly assessments!!! Yey!!! That will mean that I'll only get two exams (the freakin chem & bio).. although, i think that change will only be for 1st year psychology students for next year. My essay on Psychology was given back to me by my tutor. I was expecting a 'pass' since I'm not good at writing essays but looky here... I got H1!!!! And it's hard in Melbourne Uni to actually get an H1 mark! Oh btw, H1 is 80 - 90. I was very happy, but I thought at that moment that there's no reason to celebrate because I have an upcomming class test that afternoon for Anthropology.

While walking on my way to the library, I stopped by at the Chemistry building to check out my test result on Chemistry... a bit disappointing because I was perfect for the first test and now I got -> 11/18?!? I better get a perfect mark on the last test.

And of all my subjects, I give the least attention to Anthropology. I have only started my revision for the class test last Sunday night. And I had to familiarize myself from the key arguements of 10 different articles. Because the test was actually thick and we had to make 10 essays (100 words/article)for one hour. Pathetic right? Cause I took my revision for the class test seriously only YESTERDAY. I was so nervous and afraid to take the test. I was actually planning to skip Psychology lecture (but I went on the tute) just to spend 2 hours stuck in the library with the thick course book to read and some papers to put down notes (and it's too late to make notes, isn't?)

Oh my, I was about to cry because I thought that I was not prepared for the test. I was talking to God the whole day. When 1:00 came, I told him, 'I know and I admit that I didn't really prepare for this test but please make me remember the things that I have been reading. I don't need to remember it verbatim but just to remember the gist of each article.'

Yeah, I was able to familiarize myself to 9 different articles (Douglas, Smith, Denich, Sofos, Ortner, Fridle, Keesing, Scheper-Hughes and Hendry). although I remembered Bax but his article was not mentioned in the last lecture. During the test, I could remember clearly the different arguments posted by each Anthropologists. How lucky I was and I was consistently writing (making sure ofcourse that I answer the question). Except for Hendry because I mistook his work as the work of Keesing (darn!). Because it was only for an hour, I was not able to answer 10 questions. I was only able to answer 8, I know what to write on two of them but I didn't had enough time; I ran out of time while answering my 9th essay about Denich and his approach on development of national identity as the effect of genocide in disremembering Yugoslavia. But nonetheless, I was happy to know that I had answers to write. I hope my answers are sufficient enough to give me a higher-than-Pass mark.

Then after that, still smiling ofcourse, I was able to attend the extra exam tute for Chemistry. It helped a lot, they gave exam tips for answering multiple choice questions especially on the Organic Chemistry section.

I am so happy this day that I found myself celebrating by rewarding myself with a McChicken. =) wee~ and my $10 savings for this week had been gone to nothing! hehe.. but it's worth it.

And oh! I was actually planning my timetable for next semester and it's finished except for adding one hour of chemistry tute. And I've been planning on what subjects to take for next year!





Bakit ang lalake ganun?

-> nagtanong ka lang ng isang tanong andami na niyang sinagot.. at pinalaki at pinalawak pa ang isang ish?
-> hindi mo malaman kung gaano sila ka-honest talaga...
-> may time sa ibang bagay
-> pakonti na ng pakonti ang time sa iyo. Sa simula akala mo kung sinong 'miss na kita' eklat tapos pakonti na ng pakonti hanggang sa kailangan ikaw pa ang mag-approach
-> hindi dependable; unreliable; hanggang salita
-> do they even care kung anong nangyare sa buhay mo? i mean.. nagparamdam after a week tapos itatanong 'o, kamusta ka na?'.. he cares kaya?
-> lazy & bum
-> nasabi ko bang unreliable?
-> natitiis ka
-> kung hindi ka pa magtatanong hindi pa nila sasabihin sa iyo
-> kung hindi ka pa magagalit hindi pa sila kikilos
-> kung wala kang gagawin, mas lalong wala silang gagawin
-> kung alam nilang may kasalanan sila, bumabawi pero sa katagalan wala rin
-> kung hindi nila alam na may pagkukulang sila, kailangan mo pang ipa-mukha
-> kasalanan na nga nila, itatanong pa sa iyo kung 'galit ka ba?' AT!! 'bakit? anong ginawa ko?'
-> predictable
-> inuulit lang yung mga kasalanan
-> saying 'sorry' just to comfort you pero gagawin nanaman
-> kaya unreliable..
-> feeling nila they are treated unfairly
-> they don't show importance to you unless kapag sinisipag sila
-> they show special attention kapag may special occasion, kapag ordinary days absent
-> kapag may tampuhan, saka lang nagiging sweet
-> nauubos na pagiging romantic
-> sa simula lang magaling
-> inconsistent
-> masmadaming beses pa yung sinasaktan at ini-ignore ka kesa yung pinapansin ka at pinapasaya
-> onga, bakit ang hilig nilang mag-ignore?
-> kapag may ginawa ka, para ma-feel nila yung ginagawa nila sa iyo, kala mo kung sino mag-reklamo
-> mabilis pa kamo kay superman kung makipag-argue
-> aminado na nga sa weakness, nope.. wala silang gagawin about it
-> busy daw - ako, hinde? hindi lang organized
-> pathetic
-> freaks
-> ansarap iwan.. dmo naman maiwan..?!?
-> wala ka daw tiwala.. eh pano nagawa na ngang manloko db?
-> he'll always be there daw... where?!? 'kapag kailangan mo ako, andito lang ako..' where?!?
-> gives you false-hopes

haay.. just shut-up kat!! wala ng magbabago... urge.... i hate me! i hate me! for being a subordinate being against the male species... grrr...

i want to prove to him, i can do the same things na ginagawa niya.. i can double it! i will take pride in myself, redeem myself from oppression.. (mali ata spelling).. anyway.. yeah.. and prove to him i can be independent, i can live without him (i am, actually.. but in terms of, i will not give significant importance in our relationship), bahala siya.. i don't care.. wee!! i'm carefree... let him handle this relationship on his own, but i will give more importance to myself and with what makes me happy which gives me less pain... less crying.. less concern... less him.. less us.. more me... more me.. me me me me me and no one else.. but me





hihi... i love this... Topher Grace will play venom on Spiderman 3!!!

uhuh... i love him.. since i watched him sa that 70s show as Eric Foreman..







19 WAYS TO KEEP A GIRL (DAW)

1. DON'T FORCE HER TO DO ANYTHING.
[She won't trust you if you do & it'll be awkward]

2. Grab her hand when you walk next to each
other.
[She always gets butterflies when you do it; it
makes her feel like you want her]

3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.
[It makes her feel like you really love her.]

4. Cuddle with her.
[She'll feel like your there for her]

5. Hug her from behind
[It makes her feel special]

6. Write little notes.
[She smiles. They're cute; The end]

7. Compliment her Honestly.
[No girl likes a liar and no girl likes a person
who
lies about it when you compliment her]

8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as
long as possible.
[It makes her feel wanted]

9. Be super sweet to her.
[All girls like a super sweet guy]

10. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
[She'll go to bed with a smile]

11. Comfort her when she cries.
[She'll feel like you'll ALWAYS be there for her]

12.Wipe away her tears
[It'll show you'll always be there]

13. Love her with all your heart.
[Not with your brain... or your dick]

14. Pick her up and flirt with her (she'll scream
and
say put me down but really she loves it).
[It's true boys!]

15. Be a gentleman (hold the door for her).
[Every girl loves a guy who is a gentleman]

16. DON'T let your friends talk trash about her,
it'll
get back 2 her
[& it'll make her feel like you aren't really
there for
her]

17. Take her for a long walk at night!
[She just wants to be alone. & that's not always
bad. The world can be annoying sometimes &
you
just need to be alone.]

18. When it's cold outside hold her close
[You want her to be happy & she's happy in
your
arms]

19. Draw on or rub her back as she is tryin to
rest
or sleep
[This just feels good HAHA!] {not with a pen
you
idiot, with your finger}





Jose Marie Chan - Be Careful With My Heart

If you love me, like you tell me... Please be careful with my heart
You can take it, just don't break it... Or my world will fall apart

You are my first romance... And I'm willing to take a chance
That till life is through... I'll still be loving you
I will be true to you... Just a promise from you will do
>From the very start... Please be careful with my heart

I love you and you know I do... There'll be no one else for me
Promise I'll be always true... For the world and all to see
Love has hurt... some lies softly spoken
And I have had my heart badly broken...
I've been burned and I've been hurt before
So I know just how you feel... Trust my love is real for you
I'll be gentle with your heart... I'll caress it like the morning dew
I'll be right beside you forever... I wont let our world fall apart
>From the very start... I'll be careful with your heart

You are my first ( and you are my last ) Romance...
And I'm willing to take ( ill make up a pact ) A chance...
That till life is through... I'll still be loving you
I will be true... ( I will be true ) To you
Just a promise from you... ( only to you ) will do
>From the very start... ( from the very start )
>From the very start... ( from the very start )
>From the very start
Please be careful with... ( I'll be careful with... )
My ( your ) heart...





look at these... nabasa ko sa isang blog ng isang person na hindi ko kaano-ano.. it just happens na i was searching for the lyrics of Beer by Itchyworms para ma-ipost ko dito sa blog ko... nakaka-touch naman.. he & his girlfriend 6 years na and long distance sila... whoah.. no? haay... eto..

side ni guy:
Anim na taon!
Ngayon ang aming ika-anim na taon na anibersaryo ng natatanging Diosa.

Akalain ko ba namang may tatagal sa akin nang anim na taon? Huwaw...

Kami nga pala ay isang example ng long-distance relationship. Sa anim na taon na iyan, tatlong taon ang hindi kami magkasama. Technically nga, dalawang October 19 lang ang na-celebrate rito sa Pinas kasi yung unang anniv, kami ay nasa eroplano galing U.S. (wehehehe, yabang!!!)

Kaya yung mga tinginingining na maaarte diyan na "hindi raw kaya" dahil "mahirap" ang long distance, mga ugok kayo. Ang aarte niyo!!!

Hehehe. Kahit sa ganitong klaseng post, agit pa rin ako. :)

Hay naku, lalabs Ria. Salamat salamat salamat!!! Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita!!!

(OK yung picture ano? Ganyan ang lalabs ko e. Kahit naliligaw na sa parang, nakangiti pa rin basta may camera)
---------------------
side ni gurl:
Long-distance
Anim na taon na kami ng boyfriend ko. Tatlong beses naming sinelebreyt iyon ng magkahiwalay. Sa mga kaibigan namin, sa mga naging estudyante ko, sa mga naging estudyante niya, isa kaming "modelo". Parang overrated, sa totoo lang.

Hindi madali ang long-distance relationship. Kahit may tawag, may email, may chat, iba pa rin siyempre yung nakikita mo yung tao. Yung alam mong nandyan lang siya malapit, physically. Isang tawag mo lang, magkikita na kayo sa SM o sa UP in two hours. Yung pwede kayong manood ng tv habang magkausap sa telepono. Yung itetext mo na magrereply agad (kahit walang load). Yung manonood ng sine at magpapakabusog na parang wala ng bukas. Yung magbibilyar kasama ang iba pang kaibigan at aabutin ng dis-oras ng gabi dahil sa mga may kwenta at walang kwentang bagay.

Sa totoo lang, mahirap ang malayo. Lalo na sa ganitong edad. Hindi dahil sa feeling ko matanda na ako. Dahil sa paligid ko, may kinakasal at may nagbubuntis at nanganganak na mga kaibigan. Ang palaging tanong, kelan kami? Hindi din naman ako napi-pressure. Pero siyempre, nag-iisip na rin ako. Nung wala pa akong boyfriend (si paeng pala ang first bf ko), may mga taning ako sa sarili ko, tulad ng: dapat magka-bf ako bago mag-20 (nangyari ito); by age of 24 dapat may wedding ring na ako; by 30 dapat may dalawa na akong anak; at by 40 apat na lahat ng chikitings ko.

Ngayon, 25 na ako, in four months madadagdagan na naman ng isang taon. Nandito ako sa Japan. Para magkaroon ng academic growth. Si paeng, nasa pinas (na malamang lumabas din for academic growth) tinuturo lahat ng pwede niyang ituro sa loob at labas ng klasrum. May kanya-kanya kaming career, may kanya-kanyang gustong gawin. Ayaw naman naming parehong mag-impose sa bawat isa.

Kaya naman malamang, hahaba pa itong long-distance situation namin.

Parang ang lungkot ba? Dapat nagsasaya kasi umabot na kami ng anim na taon.

Sa totoo lang, masaya naman ako.
===================================

wahehehe.. nakakatawa... anyways.. yung purpose ko.. to post the lyrics of Beer

Beer
Itchyworms

Nais kong magpakalasing
Dahil wala ka na
Nakatingin sa salamin
At nag-iisa
Nakatanim pa rin
Ang gumamelang
Binalik mo sa`kin nang tayo`y maghiwalay
Ito`y katulad
Ng damdamin ko:
Kahit buhusan mo ng beer ayaw pang mamatay

Pre-chrous *

Giliw, wag mo sanang limutin
Ang mga araw na hindi sana maglaho
Mga anak at bahay nating pinaplano
Lahat ng ito`y nawala
Nung iniwan mo ako kaya ngayon

Chorus **

Ibuhos na ang beer
Sa aking lalamunan
Upang malunod na ang
Puso kong nahihirapan
Bawat patak anong sarap
Ano ba talagang mas gusto ko,
Ang beer na ito
O ang pag-ibig mo?

Nais kong magpakasabog
Dahil olats ako
Kahit ano hihithitin
Kahit tambutso
Kukuha ako ng
Beer at ipapakulo
Sa kaldero't lalanghapin
Ang usok nito
Lahat ay aking gagawin
Upang hindi ko na isiping
Nag-iisa na ako

Repeat **
Instrumental
Repeat *
Repeat **





Kanta ko para sa iyo... i don't care anymore.. i'm stuffed.

I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND
Nina


I don't wanna see your face
I don't wanna hear your name
I don't wanna thing
Just stay away baby
Don't wanna know if you're alright
Or what you're doin' with your life
Don't wanna hear that you'll stay in touch maybe

I'll get just fine
So if you're goin' then darlin' goodbye, goodbye

Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
I'm not over you yet
And I don't think I care
And I don't want to be your friend

I'll forget we ever met
I'll forget I ever let
Ever let you into this heart of mine baby
You just gotta let me be
You gotta keep away from me
'cause all I want to be is just free of you baby
Don't you come around
And say you still care about me
Go now, go now

Don't call me in the middle of the night...

You take it casually, and that's what's killing me
I'll get by just fine
So if you're goin' then darlin' goodbye, goodbye

Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
No, no baby
Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
I don't want to be your friend
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
I don't want to be your friend...





its been a long time since i've had a 'reflective' moment with my blog.. i haven't had time kasi.. i've been busy with uni life.. yep, enjoying every single moment of being a college freshman at melbourne uni..

gosh.. where should i start? well, first up! the exmas!!! sheesh.. it'll start next month!!! i actually have 3 exams (bio, chem & psych) and 1 essay (anthro) to take/do in order to pass for this semester.. i feel pressured.. i need an average of 85% to transfer from fee-paying to CSP.. i do hope that i can do it at the end of the school year.. another thing is.. i need 80% for fundamentals of chem so that i don't have to take chem b on the summer semester.. cause i want to do chem b next sem.. although, i'm still having second thoughts because i want to fully understand chemistry (as a whole - fundamentals of chemistry, chemistry A - organic chemistry and chemistry B).

i've been planning to visit my cousin in US and attend his graduation.. finally, 'Kapitan Abad' is finished with his schooling days.. school is over and its time to take a journey on the 'working environment'.. since i have no school around november - feb, i'm planning to visit him plus take a stop over at japan (to visit my uncle there) and ofcourse a stop over in the philippines as well. i've been telling this to him na.. i don't know if he's excited or what - haven't heard from him for days (except last night when he called me for a minute?!?).

speaking of 'him'.. oh my.. i had this dream (i almost forgot to type this.. hehe).. i was in the philippines and i have a son.. i'll re-type it.. WE HAVE A SON?!?.. that was so weird but it felt good and comforting to hold a baby.. i think i heard one of my relatives say (cause i think i was hugging the baby) "Alam mo, hindi lang puro yakap ang kailangan ng bata.. kailangan din na every single moment, you kiss him" tapos i did kiss the baby.. aww.. grabe.. and it felt like heaven daw to have a baby.. everyone was happy.. then the next scene (or the next thing i remember) our son grew up (as a toddler), and Cian was so happy cause he has a playmate.. my kuya was there, his girlfriend was there and we were discussing.. and another weird thing.. cause the setting was in pangasinan, i was talking with 'him' at the phone and i told him "Pumunta ka dito, bumisita ka kaya.. para makita mo rin ang anak natin." tapos the toddler became a baby again?!? oh db... but all in all.. the aura was good, happy faces, the mood was positive... but when i woke up.. grabe.. i instantly wanted to hug a baby.. sarap ng feeling ^_^

anyway, i have to wrap this up! I'm going to finish my chem work, pack my things and arranged the clothes that i'm going to wear for tom..

Realization: It's good to be independent, there will come a time that no one's going to be there to grab your hand and direct you to the right way. (this came from my anthropology tutor, Leo ^^)





Recently did an IQ and EQ Test..

IQ = 111
What does your score mean?

Good job! Your performance on the test was slightly above the population average - well within the normal range. This means that while you don't excel in terms of the skills assessed on this test, you are still doing quite well.

EQ = 95
What does your score mean?

Your Emotional IQ is in the average range. Essentially, you're able to recognize and deal with your own emotions and those of others in a reasonably effective manner. Since your score is in the mid-range, however, you are not taking full advantage of your potential. By learning and practicing new skills and more effective ways of dealing with people, you could increase your EIQ.

======================
Dahil Mahal Kita
by: Ogie Alcasid

Ano man ang sabihin nila
Ika'y patuloy kong mamahalin
Maging sino ka man
Di na magbabago ang pag-ibig ko
Dahil minamahal kita
Walang makakapigil sa 'king damdamin.
Upang ikaw ay ibigin ko ng lubos
Sasambahin lagi
Dahil mahal kita lahat ng bagay
ay aking makakamtan

CHORUS:
At dahil mahal kita handa akong magparaya
Kahit katumbas nito'y kasawian
Dahil mahal kita sa 'yo lamang liligaya
At di na muling iibig pa