What every woman should have and more
PURPLE SHADES By Letty Jacinto-Lopez
The Philippine STAR 02/19/2006

Counting the number of messages I received last Valentine’s, I saved one that both junior and senior ladies would appreciate. It goes:

Every Woman Should Have
• One old love she can imagine going back to, and one who reminds her how far she has come.

Old love? Mine has already turned into a butterfly, free and fleeting. If a butterfly is the resurrection of a lost love, I would have hundreds to remember.

Of the other kind? He remains my sweet, steady, and comfort love.

• Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to.

For you to be able to do that, you need to maintain a separate account where you can deposit whatever savings and earnings you have. Save enough also so you can afford to buy an air ticket. I urge young brides to take note.

• Something perfect to wear if the date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.

Invest in clothes with the four Fs: to fit and flatter your face and figure. When he calls, you simply reach into your wardrobe and feel confident that you’d look stunning – a dream come true.

• A youth she’s content to leave behind.

And one you can laugh about with friends who exhibited the same zest and daring. We screamed our throats dry at the live concerts of Ricky Nelson, Paul Anka, Frankie Avalon, and The Beatles. I used to keep an album of personally autographed photos in my brag book. That time was filled with simple pleasures –mababaw ang kaligayahan – yet they lasted longer.

It was a cloudy but cool day, and a group of friends decided to drive around Makati. Suddenly, I heard my friend exclaim, "Oh goodness, my ex-boyfriend’s sister is getting married today. It’s a black-tie, long-gown affair."

I replied, "Hey, lets drop by the church and watch."

"You must be nuts," we said, turning the corner to reach the church. We watched from a side pew guests dressed to the nines who were more busy preening themselves than focusing on the married couple. What a show. What a farce.

We laughed all the way to Leila’s Coffee Shop. At that time there was only The Plaza and the Rizal Theater complex. The food and the soda fountain delights drowned my friend’s bitter woes. She turned to me and said, "How could I be so blind?"

Luckily, she’s a woman. Heartaches and sorrows were no match to her iron will.

• A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

There’s a brass-finished hammer that I discovered in a hardware store. If you unscrew the bottom, it would reveal a Philips head (it looks like a rosette), followed by a flat-head screw and a precision screw at the very last turn. It’s such a handy tool that I’ve given lots of it to non-handyman friends. It should be available at hardware stores, like Federal, Ace, True Value, Wilcon or the hardware section of Landmark for about P200 or less.

Match the black bra with black knickers and you’d feel like Satine in Moulin Rouge saying, "Come into my boudoir for one more night of unrestrained passion…."

• One friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry.

If you can find one who can make you laugh and cry, you’re truly blessed.

• A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.

I gave away some inherited furniture to my favorite nieces because of lack of space. But I can see how fast one can accumulate more goods and furniture in this lifetime.

• Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.

I’m one of those stove- and kitchen-challenged people. Simple but tasty meals always work even with friends who are fantastic cooks. What’s the sure-fire recipe? I add love and laughter and lots of tomatoes and garlic.

• A feeling of control over her destiny.

In a public library in Alexandria, Virginia, I came across this saying: "The more you read, the more you know; the more you know, the more you learn; the more you learn, the louder your voice when speaking your mind or making a choice."

Add prayers for spiritual guidance and remember that you are born with beauty and strength within you.

In tandem,
Every Woman Should Know
• How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

Resigning? Before you do, be fully prepared by having money in the bank that could maintain and sustain you for the next three months at least. Better still, make sure you’ve found a new job before quitting the current one.

Calling it quits with a lover can take different approaches. I’d rather be honest.

Disagreeing with true friends should never be hurtful. You’ve been friends long enough to know that you have each other beyond who gets to eat the last slice of the wickedest, creamiest chocolate cake.

• When to walk away.

It was New Year’s Eve. He opened the door to see her setting the table. Candles, champagne, hot roast and salad.

He put down his brief case and approached her, "I want a divorce."

After 28 years of marriage, the only thing he could say was, "I can’t leave her. She’s pregnant with our child."

My friend looked far towards the horizon and said, "Go, and don’t come back."

After two years, she received a call from the new wife: "May we see you?"

My friend had moved on and was content with her life, past the pain, the shock, the disappointment.

When she saw the baby, she smiled. "He looks just like his father."

"I’m pregnant again," said the young wife. "He has to work harder to maintain us."

It was an amusing sight. When men of his age are happily putting their feet up in retirement or actively pursuing their favorite sports and hobby, he has to raise a young brood. Nursery schools, playground games, cartoons, cotton candies, screams and tantrums, pediatric clinics, and education and health insurance have replaced romantic nights and secret rendezvous.

As she closed the door and looked at her neat, cozy and lovely apartment, the doorbell rang again. Harassed and catching his breath, her former husband said, "Oh, your monthly alimony should have been credited to your account."

She smiled, "I know that."

"You too, have a good life, won’t you?"

• That she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.

There are many before-and-after makeovers that could correct any inborn flaws. It’s a matter of accentuating your assets and camouflaging your weak spots.

Parents always mean well even if they can be a source of anguish when teaching or showing it. You will, however, marvel at how much of their character and attitude you acquire once you become a parent yourself. Watch as you begin to think, act and look like them. The cycle continues.

• What she would and wouldn’t do for love or more.

The sweetness and the sorrow make her a stronger person.

• Whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally.

There are friends and, then, there are so-called friends. You can distinguish one from the other, and how one could never replace nor match the value and worth of the other.

Do I make sense? Whatever, you would know.

• What she can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month, and a year...

I’m standing in a room full of boxes and crates. There was a time I could clear a room in a day, a full house in a week. Not anymore.

I’m taking my sweet time and know the day could end with not a single box being cleared and it won’t get my goat.

Through the noise and debris, I finished this article and I’m more excited to share it with you.